Raising Kids With Kindness And Firmness

Raising Kids With Kindness And Firmness

I learned that there was a way to raise my kids with firmness AND kindness. For example, if my kids were fighting in a store over a toy, instead of giving in and getting the toy for them, or just saying "no" you can't have that, I would say, "Do you have enough money to buy it?" They'd usually say that they didn't, so I would tell them to save for half and I would save for half. This seemed to satisfy them and there was no argument.

Most of the time, they never talked about the toy again. But, if they really wanted something and they had to save for it, then they learned delayed gratification. I thought I'd have to convince my kids why they couldn't have things, but they usually had better arguments than I did, so I would finally said "honey I love you…but the answer is "no". This usually worked.

The idea is to show the child that you love them by saying you love them, but then say "no". I learned that instead of lecturing them, if I would involve them and say "let's focus on a solution that we can both live with", things were so much better. We'd have family meetings, and put these items on the agenda and brainstorm ideas that we could all live with. When everyone had time to think about it, we could usually work out a solution that worked for everyone.